“And I heard a loud voice from the throne saying,
“Behold, the dwelling place of God is with man. He will dwell
with them, and they will be his people, and God himself will be with them as
their God. He will wipe away every tear from their eyes, and death
shall be no more, neither shall there be mourning, nor crying, nor pain
anymore, for the former things have passed away.” And he who was seated on the throne said,
“Behold, I am making all things new.” Also he said, “Write this down,
for these words are trustworthy and true.” And he said to me, “It is
done! I am the Alpha and the Omega, the beginning and the end. To the thirsty I will give from the
spring of the water of life without payment.”
Dakota’s
Birth Story: A Timeline of Events
Friday, September 18,
2015
8:30am: Before Jaden went to
school this morning, we made sure to take time to snap our 36-Week family photo. Little did we know what the next 36
hours would bring.
3:30pm: We arrived at Miami
Children’s Museum to take advantage of the Free 3rd Friday
Event. Jaden had a blast, and we
are thankful for that special day with him. I spent as much time sitting as I could because I was having
Braxton Hicks contractions through out the day. I loved being there to see his face, even if Eddie was the
one to actually play with him and chase him around.
6:30pm: On our way out of
the museum doors, we received a phone call from some good friends from NC. They
had called to pray over us, and we were finally able to connect. It was so
comforting to hear their prayers and words of encouragement.
7:30 pm: We went to Target to
buy a birthday gift for a party the next day. While in Target, I felt my first painful contractions. I
told Eddie we needed to go home so I could get in bed because my “Braxton
Hicks” contractions were getting painful.
8:07pm: We got in the car and I started timing my contractions. They came every 2 minutes for the next 15 minutes as Eddie was
driving us the 45-minute drive home.
8:30pm: That made Eddie nervous, so he called our
good friend Megan who has experience as a midwife. She recommended I drink some water and call her if they
continue once we are home. She
also offered to be available if we need to drop of Jaden.
9:00pm: I laid down in bed
while Eddie put Jaden to bed, and then he started packing our bag for the
hospital. I had written a list of
what to pack, but I hadn’t started packing at all. He had to do it all!
I continued to time my contractions. They were coming every 4-15 minutes. They were very sporadic, and not
getting any stronger or weaker.
Once he finished packing our bags, Eddie asked what else I needed him to
do. I thought of the “Birth Plan” that
I had written/copied from the internet.
It was 3 pages long and needed editing. I had it on my “To Do” list for weeks: “go over birth plan
with Eddie.” I was planning on
taking it to my next pre-natal appointment to review it with my doctor. We took a few minutes to read it
together and discuss each point.
We agreed on what to keep and what to scratch off. When we finished, he asked if I wanted
him to pull it up on my computer and edit it. The fact that we still didn’t have a funeral home picked out
to add to the final draft drove me to say, “No” and in my head I was thinking:
“I will finish it later after we pick out a funeral home.” Can you say: CONTROL ISSUES!?!
11:00pm: I gave into sleep
and quit timing the contractions.
I slept restlessly for about 2 hours while my contractions continued and
kept waking me up.
Saturday, September 19,
2015
1:00am: I woke up to Eddie
just finishing cleaning up the bathroom after cutting his hair and
showering. I told him that I think
we need to go to the hospital. He
called my doctor and got a call back from someone (he doesn’t remember who)
telling us that we should go to the hospital. He called our friend Alvaro to ask him to pick up Jaden and
bring him to Megan’s house. He
started packing the car.
1:30am: We headed to the
hospital and called Eddie’s aunt on our way. She is a doula, and had expressed willingness to be by our
side through this. His aunt and
uncle headed out the door to meet us there.
2:00am: We arrived at the hospital
and realized that we didn’t know where to go. We had been meaning to visit, but it hadn’t happened
yet. So we went to the Emergency
Room door. A nurse took me in a
wheel chair to Labor and Delivery, and they instructed Eddie where to go park
the car.
2:15am: They put me in a bed
in triage and hooked me up to a fetal monitor and monitored my
contractions. They told me that my
doctor was unavailable until Monday, and that a different doctor was covering
for him. I had never even asked my
doctor what to do if he wasn’t available.
I had never even heard of this on-call doctor! And now the nurses were making faces when they said his
name. It did not give me a good
feeling about him.
2:45am: The nurses told me I
was dehydrated, and gave me a pitcher of water and instructed me to drink it
all. I admitted that I had not
drank much all day the previous day because we were at the museum and I just
didn’t drink enough water.
3:00am: A familiar face
poked her head around the curtain.
It was a woman from our church who works in Labor and Delivery and
happened to see my name on the patient list. She was so encouraging and
calming, and even helpful as I got nauseous while she was visiting. Eventually
they had to hook me up to an IV to get fluids in me try to re-hydrate me. The nurse had
checked my dilation when I arrived, and I was only 2 cm. They checked an hour later and I was
2.5cm-3cm. They checked again an
hour later and I was still the same 2.5cm-3cm. Since I was not progressing quickly, my contractions were
not getting closer together, and they were not increasing in intensity, they
decided that I could go home if I wanted to. I was uncomfortable and would rather be at home in my own
bed anyway. We didn't think Dakota was coming today.
6:00am: After fluids and
being encouraged to drink more water, they sent me home with the theory that my
contractions were due to my dehydration and that they would subside if that was
the case. If not, they would
continue and intensify and I would know that was true labor. The “goal” was for me to go home and
come back sometime after Monday when my doctor was available. They also gave me the following instructions: When your contractions are 2-3 minutes
apart, lasting 1 minute long, for an hour, then come to the hospital because
that is real labor. I struggled to
walk to the elevator and out to the car, as my contractions continued.
6:30am: I was back in my own
bed and continuing to time my contractions. They were intense, but not lasting very long. I tried to sleep while Eddie snoozed
next to me. He hadn’t slept all
night, so I really wanted him to sleep.
8:00am: After 1 ½ hours of
trying to sleep but having contractions every 4-10 minutes, I got up and sat in
a chair in the living room. I
wanted Eddie to sleep as long as he could, and I needed to make some phone
calls. I also found an app on my
phone that could time my contractions and also time how long they lasted. I set it up and proceeded to see that
they were 6-8 minutes apart and lasting only 20-40 seconds… not “long enough”
to be considered "real" labor.
First, I called Megan to tell
her what was going on. I had to
put the phone down after 4 minutes and get through a contraction. Then, I called
my sister. Within a 12-minute
phone call, I had had 2 contractions that I had to set the phone down to get
through. She said she was going to
look for a flight out today. Then, I called another friend
to let her know that I was not available to serve in the kid’s ministry on
Sunday at church, but that she was welcome to come and get the bag that was
prepared for the lesson. Again, I
had to put the phone down to get through the contractions.
I knew I wasn’t going to be
able to go about my day as planned even though the nurse and Eddie’s aunt had
told me to go about my normal routine as a could. I was thinking that there is NO WAY I can even leave the
house, let alone go do all the many things we had planned for that day: a
meeting at 9:00 at church, a birthday party at 1:00, National “Talk Like a
Pirate Day” at Krispy Kreme, and a staff party at 5:00.
9:30am: I decided that
Megan’s suggestion to take a shower sounded good. I woke up Eddie, gave him my
phone, and asked him to continue timing my contractions as I yelled to him from
the shower. Some of them were 2
minutes apart, and some were 8.
Some lasted 20 seconds, while others lasted 50 seconds. I couldn’t imagine one lasting a whole
minute! I was in labor but still not believing it. The shower felt so good, but I was ready to lie down
again.
10:30am: I got dressed and lay down in the
bed. No sooner than I did that,
and I felt sudden pressure. I
could feel his head!!! I told him
that we needed to go to the hospital, but after three contractions in a row
where I couldn’t get out of bed in between, I yelled to Eddie: “You need to
call an ambulance!” So guess who
he called instead: Megan! He put
her on the phone with me and she asked me if I really wanted him to call an
ambulance. I said, “No, I
want to get out of bed and get in the car, but I can’t.” She said, “OK, if you can get up, get
in the car, and go. If not, then
call an ambulance.” That was all
the motivation I needed, and I got up and slowly made my way to the car. Eddie was frantically packing the car
again, and brought it right up to the bottom of our 19 steps that I had to
slowly walk down… all the while imagining one of our neighbors walking out
their door to find us slowly making our way to the hospital.
10:50am: We left for the hospital, and while
Eddie was driving out of our neighborhood, suddenly he was yelling out the window, “We
are going to the hospital!” I
opened my eyes to figure out who he was yelling at. It was our friends who were going to be hosting the birthday
party that Jaden was invited to later that day. As he drove down the turnpike, Eddie asked me who he needed
to call. He called his parents, his
aunt, my mom, my sister, photographer #1, photographer #2, and photographer
#3. Only photographer #3 was available, and I was shock to have needed to call all three.
As Eddie drove, he told me
he only broke two laws: speeding and running a red light. He also told me that he kept looking
down at me to see if the baby’s head was coming out. That was the longest 25 minutes of my life!
11:15am: We arrived at the hospital, thankful
that we knew where to go after our “practice run” just hours before. Eddie wanted to come in with me, but I
just knew this baby was coming soon and I didn’t want him to miss it when he
had to leave to park the car. I
insisted he go park, and that I would be fine taking the elevator up to the 2nd
floor. He reluctantly complied. I
exited the elevator to a waiting room full of people. A lady said “Does she need help?” and she got up and yelled
to the guard, “We need a wheelchair!” The guard us brought one, and she wheeled me to the labor
and delivery desk where I quickly signed the forms they put in my face and
handed over my identification (which I knew I needed to have with me after our first go-around 9 hours before).
11:20am: She wheeled me into
triage and I got into a bed. As
the nurse checked me, she yelled, “We have a complete here!” The next thing I know, there was chaos. I had my eyes closed and was just
trying to endure the contractions.
They brought me down the hall to Labor and Delivery Room #8, and Eddie
was still not there. They moved me
into another bed, and told me they were waiting for the doctor to arrive. They shoved a few more forms in my face
to sign, and introduced me to the head of the NICU team, Dr. T.
11:30am: Eddie arrived to a flurry of activity
in the room. He set our stuff down
amid the 8-10 people who were hustling and bustling around me. As he made his way to my side, he
asked, “Excuse me. What is going
on?” The nurse replied, “ Your
wife is 10cm, she is going to have this baby NOW!” He quickly asked, “Will she have a chance to get an
epidural?” In the back of my mind I knew it wasn’t likely, but I was waiting
for her response with an ounce of hope.
She said, “No… it is too late.”
The Neonatologist team came in, and Eddie pulled out the edited
birth plan that we never got a chance to revise and reprint. Eddie knew it was important to me, so
he sat with the doctor who was in charge of the NICU team and reviewed the
3-page birth plan that we had scratched out and edited but not re-printed. Dr. T took the time to read it and felt
that he had a good idea of what we wanted. Looking back on that… I am in shock that he took the time to
do this, just minutes before Dakota was born!
11:45am: Once everything was ready and the
doctor was in place, they instructed Eddie to come on my left side and hold one
leg. A nurse held the other. Eddie was getting pretty emotional
watching me be in pain and hearing me screaming as I was instructed to start
pushing. At first, I did a whole
lot more screaming than pushing. A
nurse said to me calmly, “OK, shhhh. Less screaming. More pushing.” I listened and within 5 pushes, he was
here.
11:51am: Dakota is born! They put him on my chest for about 30
seconds and I could see him and hear him cry. It was weak and labored, but he was breathing! Eddie cut the
umbilical cord, and then they took him over to the warming station and started
to clean him up and help him to breath better with oxygen. They instructed Eddie to cut the cord
again, and they got an oxygen tube in his nose and wrapped him up while the
doctor finished with me. Once
Dakota was stable enough, they brought him over to me and let me hold him for
about 20-30 minutes. All the
while, he was crying weakly and moving.
I cried and kissed him and cried some more. It all happened so fast that I could hardly believe that he
was already here… and he looked so big for being 4 weeks early. He looked perfect! 10 fingers, 10 toes, cute little ears,
precious nose, and pink little lips. We didn't find out until much later, but he was 6 lbs. 2 oz. and 19.5 inches long.
The photographer was able to
join us then, and she took some precious pictures and video. The Neonatologist even grabbed my
camera and took some pictures of us too. Thankfully, Megan arrived at the
hospital soon after we arrived.
She had Jaden there on time to meet Dakota as soon as possible. She brought him in to meet his baby
brother. He was so excited. He couldn’t take his eyes off of
him. Soon, I felt the urgency of
the doctors to take him to the NICU to further assess him. Eddie went with Dakota, and Megan
stayed with Jaden and me. After
they took him away, Jaden was walking around showing everybody Dakota’s
footprints.
The first visitors to be let
in after that were our pastor and youth pastor from our church. They hadn’t seen Eddie leave the room
following the Neonatal team and Dakota.
As they walked in, and heard snippets of conversation, our pastor’s face
registered a look of shock as he exclaimed: “What?!? He’s here? Dakota’s born
already?!?!” Haha… I don’t know
why he thought it was okay to be in the room if Dakota hadn’t been born yet.
After that, it was a
blur. Several people arrived,
including Eddie’s parents and aunt and uncle. So many people from church came, too. I couldn’t believe how many people had
arrived in such a short period of time.
Most of them had been at the 9:00-11:00 meeting at church that we had
been planning to attend. Two of our good friends were in Orlando at Disney and
headed back to Miami as quickly as possible.
I was told I could get up to
go see Dakota in the NICU after only 2½ hours of recovery… which I was thankful
for. No epidural = quicker
recovery. Eddie finally returned
and said that they were waiting on some chest x-rays to see what his lungs look
like.
When Dr. T finally came to
talk to us, Eddie’s aunt was there with us. She listened along with us to what the doctor had to say
about his condition. He was
breathing at 80% oxygen, and hoped for 95%. He said a lot that I don’t remember, but I understood that
we had to make a decision. Dakota
was breathing and moving better than expected, so the doctor gave us a 50/50
chance that putting him on a ventilator would help him. There was risk of causing a leak in his
lungs, but there was also a chance that the ventilator would help his lungs to
develop. If we tried it, we would
know in the next 3 days or less if it was going to help him or not. The chance to DO SOMETHING was too
tempting. It was the first
“hopeful” words out of a doctor’s mouth since his diagnosis 4 months ago. We felt we couldn’t pass up this chance
to allow the doctors to try to save him.
More hours passed, and we
got word that the ventilator was in and that he was breathing at 90%. Our little miracle baby was
improving. They were waiting on
the next round of x-rays now that the ventilator was in, and we had to wait to
see him.
Once the next x-rays came
back, we were told he had a small leak in one of his lungs. That meant they had to put a chest tube
in to release the air. It started
to sound scarier and less hopeful, but we were patiently waiting for the
doctors to let us know when we could go see him. In the mean time, we were moved to another room.
Around 5:30pm: Shortly after
settling into the new room, we got a phone call from Dr. T. He said Dakota was not doing well, and
we could finally go and see him.
When we got to the room, we saw our son hooked up to so many machines
with wires and tubes surrounding him.
I couldn’t help but reach out to him and touch his sweet head, his feet
and his hands. I just held his
hand and rubbed his head and said “I love you!” over and over again.
In the meantime, the nurse
told me that Jaden could not come back to see Dakota until they had a copy of
his vaccination record. I didn’t
know I needed this, so I frantically thought about where it might be. Thankfully, I had just sorted through a
stack of papers on my desk that week (which I never do because I have gotten
lazy). I had just filed that paper
in the drawer and knew where to find it.
I called Megan and asked her to locate it and send me a picture of
it. Within 20 minutes, it was
emailed to the nurse and they let Jaden in to see Dakota. Praise God… Our God who is God even in
the smallest of details!!! The
nurses also agreed to let Eddie’s mom and dad in too (even though only 2 people
at once were allowed). As they
brought Jaden in, I panicked because I realized I had not prepared Jaden for
what he was going to see. He was
about to see Dakota hooked up to all these machines and tubes and wires all
around him. I was afraid it would
frighten him, but thankfully he seemed pretty calm about it. He was willing to touch his hand with
me and just looked around at all the machines.
Those very machines began
telling us that his numbers were dropping. When I looked at them, I saw the number 60… minutes later I
saw a 50. No one had to explain to
me that that was bad news. Doctor
T. explained to us again what was going on… but none of it registered to my brain. I was numb. It felt like he was talking for an eternity, and I couldn’t
absorb anything he was saying. But
I knew what he meant: it was time to take him off the machines. I just wanted to hold him, so I was
ready for that. I asked if we
could wait until my mom and sister arrived, but he said he might not even make
it that long. They were scheduled
to fly in at 8:30pm to Ft. Lauderdale.
It would be 9:30 or 10:00pm before they would arrive at the hospital.
6:15pm: We signed the papers to release Dakota
from the life-sustaining machines.
God gave us both a sense of peace knowing that we tried everything we
could… the doctors tried everything they could. It just wasn’t meant to be. We look back and are thankful
that we didn’t have to agonize over this decision for weeks or even days. We knew it was time to say goodbye.
The nurse let me help put an
outfit on Dakota, wrapped him in a blanket and carried him to another
room. The “transition room” they
called it. I sat on a couch with
Eddie and she placed my sweet baby boy in my arms. I held him, and then Eddie held him. Eddie’s Mom held him, and his Dad held
him. Our friends Megan and
Christina were in the room with us.
I don’t even know if anyone else was in there with us. Soon, I had him in my arms again, and
then the doctor came in to check his breathing.
7:15pm: The doctor told us he was gone. There I was, surrounded by my family
and friends, and Dakota was gone.
It was a moment I knew was coming, but was so heartbreaking.
Over the next few hours, the
nurses allowed 50+ people to come a few at a time to see us and see
Dakota. I don’t know everyone who
came, but I do know that each person who came was there to celebrate Dakota’s
short life. The love that we felt
from our Core family was overwhelming!
I am so thankful for all the people who cared for us in that time.
I’m thankful for the nurses
in the NICU too: Allison and
Jennifer. They were so caring and
compliant with anything we needed.
They went above and beyond what was expected. Never once did they make me feel like we were
inconveniencing them. Never once
did they turn a loved one away. They
cared for Dakota and our family so well.
The nurses said we could give Dakota a bath and change his outfit. The first outfit got blood on it from his chest tube being removed. So we picked out another outfit for him to wear. It was a little jungle outfit with a monkey on his butt. Jaden wore it when he was a newborn, and he expressed that he wanted to share it with Dakota. It fit him so perfectly.
The nurse helped Eddie and I
bathe Dakota. It was the one of
the most emotional moments of the day.
Erika was there to photograph this precious time with him. She encouraged me to hold him
skin-to-skin, and once he was on my chest, I was filled with memories of
holding Jaden just the same way. I
realized this was the only time I would get to hold him like that, and I was
overcome with emotion. My heart
aches to hold him once again!
Erika gave Eddie and I some time alone with him then. We wept together like we never have
before.
My mom and sister arrived
around 10:30pm. They were there to
see Jaden finally take an interest in Dakota. I really wanted a picture of the boys together, and Jaden
wouldn’t have anything to do with him.
But after we put the cute monkey outfit on Dakota, Jaden was willing to
sit on the couch with him.
He lay
down on the couch, and we put Dakota down on a blanket next to him. Jaden spent the next 20-30 minutes just
wrapping and unwrapping Dakota with the blanket. He snuggled with him and made him “comfy.” He wrapped “Patches” the stuffed animal
up with him, and helped Dakota to “pet” him. He said he was “teaching him to do this” as he demonstrated
a thumbs up. Those minutes where
Jaden was able to play with him while he was “sleeping” were so precious. Soon, we told him that we had to say
goodbye to him. He then stated, “I
think he died now.” My
four-year-old son was processing the death of his newborn baby brother. How is that even possible? Why did it have to happen like that? We said goodbye around 11:30pm, and the
nurses took him out of the room.
It was so hard to let him go, knowing I would never hold him in my arms
again. I had less than 12 hours
with my son, and now he was gone.
God has you in the palm of his hand.
Isaiah 49:16
Now, three months later, people are still asking, “How are you
doing?” I’m still grieving, but
also healing. We have felt so much
love and support from our family and friends that some days go by that I don’t
even cry anymore. I think about
him and miss him everyday, but my heart is healing. My heart still breaks when I think about Dakota, but only
because I selfishly wish he was still here with our family. I wish he was still
here for Jaden to play with because I know Jaden could be such an amazing big brother. I wish I could hold him, snuggle him, change
his diaper, feed him, comfort him when he cries, and even lose sleep caring
for my new-born baby. But then I
remember that he is in the most wonderful place ever: he is in the presence of Perfection, unconditional love, and
he is free of pain and tears. He
is with Jesus! He can celebrate
Jesus’ birth this Christmas while looking face-to-face with our Savior. The song “I Can Only Imagine” has a
whole new meaning to me now when I think about how Dakota doesn’t have to
imagine anymore.
As I drove home from my
6-week post-partum check-up, that song came on the radio. It reminded me of a memory I had with
my baby boy while I was still carrying him. “I Can Only Imagine” had come on the radio when I was driving to one of
my pre-natal appointments.
That day, as I listened to the song, I realized that my baby boy might
possibly see the face of God before I do.
I broke down at that thought and prayed for his miraculous healing so
that wouldn’t happen.
Fast forward to
6-wk.-post-partum: that song came on precisely as it began raining. It was one of those South Florida
sun-showers. As I noticed the
sunshine along with the rain, I searched the sky for a rainbow… a symbol of
God’s promises that He never breaks.
Sure enough, to my left, there was a beautiful rainbow arching across
the sky. Not 5 seconds later, it
was gone. God put that rainbow in
the sky for me to see. I know it
was Him reminding me that He loves Dakota more than I could even love him. I had such a peace knowing that God not
only loves Dakota, but He is still loving me!
Thank you all who have been praying for us and reminding us that we are not forgotten and that Dakota's life mattered. We wouldn't be at this stage of healing without God, the people He has put in our lives, and the ability to share openly as we walk this road of grief. Please continue to pray for us as we hope God can continue to use Dakota's life to soften other's hearts and be open to receive Him.
