Thursday, September 20, 2018
I didn’t think I needed
yesterday to be different than any other day. I didn’t think I needed love and support. I just thought I wanted to eat donuts
with my family and remember my baby boy who was spending his 3rd birthday in
heaven. I just figured I’d throw
the invite out there and set my expectations low. After all, it has been three years. To me, his Mama, it is still so
fresh. But I figured everyone else
had moved on and we would just celebrate Dakota with a few friends and eat a
donut or two. Boy was I wrong.
It all started back in
2013. That’s when I first heard
about National "Talk Like a Pirate Day.”
Well, if you know me… you know I have a sweet tooth. And Krispy Kreme donuts are just one of
my many weaknesses. So when I
heard about an opportunity for FREE DONUTS, just for dressing up like a pirate,
I was all in. Eddie and I took
Jaden when he was just 2 years old.
We threw together a costume from what we had on hand. Just enough to get one dozen and snap a
photo of our fun day, and eat a few donuts together as a family. We arrived early, expecting a line out
the door and around the corner. We
are talking FREE DONUTS, people.
We arrived early. There was
NO ONE in line. Did we get the
date wrong? No, its just that most
people work or kids are in school at 10:00am on a weekday morning. So, we happily ate our donuts and
chatted with a family at the table over from us. They were a family of 5, a home school family (and a part of
the Shivers BBQ family at that… bonus for the day: They told us to check out
Shiver’s and we soon did and we love it to this day). I’m getting off track.
I’m making this story longer than it has to be. This wasn’t supposed to be about
food. Bless you if you are still
reading.
Moving on to 2014. I wasn’t going to let Pirate Day pass
me by! We had friends in town from
Costa Rica and I was babysitting a friend’s daughter, so our crew of 9 dressed
up in our pirate best and headed over to Krispy Kreme once again on this
September 19. We walked away with
5 dozen this year because of our 5 little pirates… and we promptly shared a few
dozen with people hanging out in the Home Depot parking lot looking for
work. We wanted to share the love…
and the donuts.
Next comes 2015. Now, I’m pregnant with Dakota and we
are planning our annual trip to Krispy Kreme on Pirate Day… Sept. 19. On the evening of September 18th, I
started feeling some intense contractions. Dakota wasn’t due for 4 more weeks, so this was a bit
shocking. We headed home and started packing our bag for the hospital. Well actually, Eddie ran around the
house trying to gather everything on my list that I had intended to pack for the hospital. At least I made a list. We tried to get some sleep, but at 2
am, we had a friend get Jaden and headed to the hospital. 4 hours later, they sent me home with
the news that my doctor was out of town and would be back Monday. See you then! We headed home to try to get some sleep and follow the
instructions of “just go about your plans for the day” (Krispy Kreme and a
friend’s birthday party) and hopefully we will see you in a few days. Nope. 2 hours later, and no sleep later… we were back in the car
headed to the hospital. No Krispy
Kreme… we were going to meet our baby boy, kiss his face, hear him cry, see him
fight for his life, and kiss him goodbye.
The day was a whirlwind but so many details are engrained in my brain
forever. I’ll never forget his
soft hair, his chubby hands, his perfect face! But we only had a few hours with him before he was
gone. It was over so fast, but it
wasn’t over. Grief never quite
goes away. Grief doesn’t have an
expiration date. But healing can
come and share space in your heart and make room for lots of joy to squeeze it’s
way in over time. But it never
wipes that grief away completely.
Our day with Dakota was filled with family and friends who loved us,
loved him, and love Jesus. That
was exactly what we needed. We
were loved and cared for and looking back I can dwell peacefully in the fact
that it was all a part of God’s plan.
Even way back in 2013, when we so wanted baby #2 to be added to our
family, and we waited and prayed.
God had a plan for us that was unfolding in ways that we could never
have imagined. I would have never chosen that path had it been up to me, but
now I wouldn’t change a thing about that path because I know that I am more
like Jesus because I carried that baby boy and held him in my arms and was held
by my church family and friends as I collapsed in grief that September day in
2015.
The next day, a sweet friend
brought us Krispy Kreme for breakfast, and more sweet friends brought us Shiver’s
for lunch. We were showered with
so much more… I’m not sure why food is the focus of my memory right now, but
bear with me. There is more to
this story.
I spent time over the next
few months whenever I had a chance to make a photo album for my baby boy. I wanted it to be perfect. It had to be perfect. It had to have every detail so I could
always look back and never forget.
For you see… this was the only photo album I would be making for my baby
boy. The self-imposed pressure was
heavy, ya’ll. I shared my
frustration with my friend that I “hadn’t had time to finish Dakota’s book” and
that I wanted to. She reminded me
that I should feel free to spend my days working on that book if that was how I
wanted grieve and heal, but that this didn’t have to be the one and only book I
made for him. What? What are you talking about? How could I make any more memories with
him? And then she gently shared
that she made memories of her son who had passed away at age two every year by
celebrating his birthday in a small special way with friends; and that, over
the years, I might want to do the same.
Not sure I could think that far ahead, I let that advice rest for a
moment and then brushed it away.
Back to obsessing about this one perfect book.
On to 2016. This is where the joy started squeezing
it’s way in and grief had no choice but to make room for it. God had blessed us with our sweet
rainbow baby, Carmen. She was born
just 6 weeks before Dakota’s birthday.
So, Pirate Day was approaching.
It was now Dakota’s day, and we as a family decided that this would be a
perfect way of celebrating his life each year: donuts! We shared our plan with family and
friends and all over the state of Florida, New Jersey, Indiana, Michigan, North
Carolina, and even Canada… people we loved dressed as “make-shift” pirates,
headed to the nearest Krispy Kreme or Dunkin Donuts and snapped a photo and
sent it to us to remind us that we are loved and that Dakota is not
forgotten. Dakota’s impromptu 1st
Birthday party overtook the dining room of our local Florida City Krispy Kreme.
Tthere were about 30-40 people who joined us in person that day, and countless
others who sent photos to show their love and support too. We felt that God was continuing to heal
our hearts, and these people were sacred tools in His hands.
2017. Plans were made. Pirate Day was coming! The Birthday Celebration was planned…
and then one very important detail popped in to my mind. Hmmm…. Was Krispy Kreme still doing Pirate
Day? Let me check. A few researching minutes later, I was
disappointed to find out that Krispy Kreme had in fact decided to go in another
direction. New promotions were
happening monthly. Free donuts
were given out for other special days in the year. And Pirate Day was just a memory. Well… We went ahead as planned and dressed up. Friends treated us to donuts and we
mingled around the Krispy Kreme restaurant and talked about my sweet boy, his life
and how much he meant to us.
Again, we felt a bit more joy and looked forward to heaven and being
reunited with our precious baby once again.
Now… for the point of this
whole big long Krispy Kreme saga… 2018.
I was hesitant to continue the tradition. A friend mentioned it to me at church and asked what we were
planning. At that point: nothing
big. I figured the four of us
would maybe dress up if Jaden wanted to, we would eat donuts and have a quiet
day remembering Dakota, and telling Carmen about him. She is just getting old enough to start listening to stories
like that. Then I checked my
calendar. There was no school. Jaden would be home with us all
day. We COULD continue the
pirate-birthday tradition of celebrating Dakota and invite friends once
again. A decision was made. Let’s do it. I put a post on Face book detailing the time and place, and
opened the invitation. I set my expectations
low, but just wanted to do this for my kids, especially. Eddie agreed to dress up once again,
and I had an actual costume to wear (thanks to free stuff “yard sale” lying
around for the taking at our church a few months back).
Outfits laid out… thoughts
of “I should warn Krispy Kreme we are coming… nah… they aren’t going to run out
of donut just because of us.”
In our pirate costumes, Dakota’s photo album in hand, we made our way to
our favorite donut destination.
Upon our arrival, we were asked if we wanted to be seated. Confused, we declined and said we would
order first and then find a seat.
Upon turning around and actually looking at the dining room, we
discovered a beautifully arranged pirate party set up. It was roped off and waiting for the
arrival of the party guests.
“Did you call for a private
party?”
“No, that wasn’t us.”
[Glances around at all of us dressed in pirate costumes]. “Are
you sure?”
“Well, I don’t know. Maybe a friend called. Who is the party for?”
“I don’t know, I was just
told to set this up. Corporate has
been calling us all morning to
make sure we were ready for
you.”
“Berrios. “
“Yes Berrios. This is for you!”
Cue waterfall. I burst into tears and then they said “Oh,
and they told us you would cry!”
What?!?! Who!?!? How did
you know??? My wheels were
spinning. Who did this? A few friends flashed through my mind,
but no one knew. Okay, well we
were going to have to figure this out later. We had a party to attend. And Dakota to remember. Friends to thank later for remembering our baby boy’s 3rd
birthday in heaven. Time to order
donuts.
“You guys can have any thing
you want. Drinks, donuts, anything!”
“Oh we will just have some
water.”
“No… order anything you
want. It’s on us. Do you want some frozen coffee, hot
coffee, latte, juice? What ever
you want. We were told not to
charge you a dime.”
We felt so honored and loved
and not forgotten. Guys, it stared
with just a phone call, and it snowballed into us being treated like
royalty. But, we still didn’t know
who was behind it all. And I was
afraid I was never going to find out.
As we mingled with friends,
our kids ran around and pretended to be pirates with all the treasure and
pirate goodies provided. They watched the donuts being made, and looked through
Dakota’s photo album. I couldn’t
stop smiling. Yes, I expected the
tears, but this. This was
unexpected joy. I just looked
around at friends who have joined us in past years, new friends that never met
Dakota and now want to hear his story.
I just basked in the glimpse of heaven. I felt my baby boy looking down on us and saying, “See, God
loves you and I love you. And I can’t wait to see you up here in heaven. But, here is a little bit of heaven on
earth.” This small act of
thoughtfulness points to God’s bigger act of sacrificial love. If my friends on earth can love me this
much, how much more does my Creator love and cherish me? Maybe it’s a stretch for you to see
this, but my heart has been opened a little more to the way God works.
So who did this? You guys, this is the amazing part. This part of the story started even
before all this pirate drama. Back
in 2011, our neighbor in Raleigh, NC had her car broken into. Her suitcase with a lot of her
valuables was stolen and she was upset and discouraged. Eddie talked to the fellow staff at Lifepointe
Christian Church, and asked them if we could help her out. God’s people were gracious and generous
as God is toward us, and we were able to share with her a bit of money to help
cover the expense of replacing her stuff.
She was grateful and in turn has been outdoing anyone we have met before
and since with her generosity and thoughtfulness. She bakes cakes… amazing cakes! She made a birthday cake for
Eddie, Jaden’s baby dedication cake, Jaden’s first birthday cake, cupcakes to
support our fundraising to move to Costa Rica; then she moved to New Jersey and
ended up making Eddie’s brother’s 40th birthday cake. She is one of those friends who you think: “How did I get lucky enough to have a
friend like you? What did I ever
do to deserve a friend as thoughtful, generous and kind?” And yet, when you talk to her… she
points it all back to you. She is
humble and says that we were the ones who were generous and kind to HER. Ya’ll, why can’t there be more people
in this world like Kristen? She
exemplifies what it means to be self-less. God has used her to minister to us in so many ways and yet
again, so many years later.
So, how did we figure it out. She called the store before we left the
party just to check if it all went well.
She was Facebook stalking us hoping we would post an update… and we were
slow to the punch. When she called
Krispy Kreme, her caller ID showed up.
One of the kind employees came and found Eddie. Eddie had been playing detective and investigating
trying to figure out who did this for us.
He was talking to the employees of Krispy Kreme, and getting all their
names so that we could thank them for their kindness and willingness to go
along with this crazy fun idea. So
he told us who it was, and the mystery was solved. But we were shocked… but at the same time not surprised
because that’s the kind of person she is: awesome!
When I was home and all was
quiet, I called her to thank her and tell her how much it meant to us. She said it was just a phone call and that
after she worked with the District Manager, she was so impressed with how nice
she was to work with, that she didn’t stop there. She took another step of thoughtfulness and made another
phone call. She called the
corporate office to tell them how wonderful the manager was to work with. And that’s where it ended for her. When I told her, “Kristen, they didn’t
let us pay for anything!” she was shocked too. Little did she know that that second phone call would have a
domino effect of kindness and that it would filter down to us even more. The employees and managers of Krispy
Kreme responded so kindly to us, and we don’t deserve it. Does that sound like anyone else you
know? I never knew God could use a
few donuts and kind people to remind me of his generous love. To say the day was a success is an
understatement. Eddie, my mom,
Jaden, Carmen and I were all able to celebrate our son, grandson, and brother
in unexpected ways. God taught me
so much through that darkest valley of my life, but little did I know he wasn’t
finished using Dakota and his life to teach me more important things. If you made it to the end of this
extremely long story, then thank you.
Go eat a Krispy Kreme donut.
They have a life-long customer in us.
The day ended with a few
more special moments involving FaceTiming with my sister-in-law at his
gravesite in Indiana, telling her memories of his birth story, and then some
sweet midnight snuggles with Carmen as she woke up screaming and mommy had to
comfort her… but she ended up comforting me as I lay on my bed with her on my
chest just letting the tears flow.
I was missing my boy. But I
was cherishing my girl. I was
missing my friends who moved away.
But I was thankful for the friends who remain and for the reminder that
true friendship can stand the test of time and distance. Words cannot express all that my heart
felt yesterday, but obviously I tried my best to let it all flow from my heart
and on to the page where I can return and remember. This story is not for you. It is for me.
But if you can be touched by it… then: bonus. Thank you for sticking with me. I can rest peacefully now.
